Jar of Hearts
by Milk Maiden
Summary: After "A Very Glee Christmas" How do Finn and Rachel move on and how does their break-up affect the glee club as the team heads into regionals?  Told from alternating POVs between Rachel and Finn.
1. Chapter 1

**Jar of Hearts - Chapter 1**

"Being a part of something special makes you special." That's something I have always believed for as long as I can remember. I used to be a part of something special…but I threw it away. I was stupid and selfish – as I usually am. Only this time, it cost me so much more than I could have ever imagined. It cost me the love of my life. Two weeks ago, Finn and I were unshakably the strongest, most dedicated couple at McKinley High, and now he won't even speak to me. No amount of apologizing can fix what I've done. And now that winter break is over, I will have to face that truth every single day.

The worst part of this is that aside from Finn, I really didn't have any real friends at McKinley. Now I am even more alone than ever. As I walked into the choir room for Glee Club and sat down in my usual seat in the front row, no one even looked at me. Usually I would at least get a glare from Santana or an eye-roll from Mercedes. This time, nothing. I thought about blurting out some overly confident and self-centered line about how we should start off the new year with a great show stopping tune featuring me. However, I just couldn't do it. It was my overconfidence and self-centeredness that got me into this mess. More of the same certainly wasn't going to fix it or even make it any better.

As time grew closer for rehearsal to begin, I noticed Finn still hadn't shown up. He didn't quit did he? This is all my fault. Without Finn, New Directions has no male leader – well other than Mr. Shu…but he doesn't count! They need Finn! WE need Finn… I need Finn. Just as the bell rang and I had completely lost hope, Finn came running in, all out of breath. "Sorry, I'm late Mr. Shu, I had to talk to coach Beiste and just lost track of time…"

For an instant I forgot that he and I were no longer a part of something special, and my face lit up when he came running in, but as he walked right past the empty seat next to me and moved further to the back, it hit me all over again. I did this to myself.

"Alright," Mr. Shuster said, clapping his hands together to get our attention, "I hope everyone had a great holiday and is ready to get to work! Regionals are right around the corner and then it's on to Nationals!" The club cheered as he finished this and many of them were giving each other high fives and fist bumps and such. I just smirked a little, keeping my hands folded in my lap quietly.

"As you all know, Vocal Adrenaline won their sectional competition once again this year and since we have already seen what they can do and we know their weakness, it's time we take full advantage of that knowledge." He paused here for dramatic effect – like he so often does when he obviously thinks he has a brilliant idea. "Over the next couple of weeks your assignment will be to find songs than bring out strong emotions in you. I want to hear you sing about the happiest moment in your life, the most terrifying thing you can imagine, I want to hear you sing with every emotion in your heart, mind, body, and soul."

"Whoa, whoa. I'm a man's man. I ain't gonna get all touchy feely like some chick. And I sure as HELL ain't gonna sing about it. " Puck retorted.

"Yeah, I'm not sure about this idea either." Sam quipped, "I mean, I'm still trying to earn respect with the football team, andif word got out about something like this I might as well quit the team now."

Just as the group began to argue about the values/consequences of the assignment, Mr. Shuster stepped in to put an end to the dispute. "Guys, I never said I wanted you to sing the world's saddest, sappiest song. I want to hear the songs that speak to YOU. I want to hear YOUR emotions coming out, whatever those emotions may be." He paused again, though this time he seemed to be thinking. Here, let me show you what I mean." He leaded over to the piano man and then the music began…

"This is the moment  
This is the day  
When I send all my doubts and demons on their way

Every endeavor I have made ever  
Is coming into play  
Its here and now today

This is the moment  
This is the time  
When the momentum and the moment are in line

Give me this moment  
This precious chance  
I'll gather up my past  
And make some sense at last

This is the moment  
When all I've done

All of the dreaming schemeing and screaming become one  
This is the day  
See it sparkle and shine  
When all I've lived for  
Becomes mine

For all these years  
I've faced the world alone  
And now the time has come  
To prove to them I've made it  
On my own

This is the moment  
My final test  
Destiny's beckoned  
I never reckoned second best

I won't look down  
I must not fall  
This is the moment  
The sweetest moment of them all

This is the moment  
Damn all the odds  
This day or never  
I'll sit forever with the gods

When I look back  
I will always recall  
Moment for moment  
This was the moment  
The greatest moment  
Of them all!

The choir room burst into applause as Mr. Shu finished his amazing solo. I even got goose bumps listening to him sing. Needless to say he really got his point across. Everyone was totally pumped for this assignment. Well, maybe not everyone…

* * *

Hello! Thank you for reading Chapter one of Jar of Hearts! This is my first fic, so please be kind and review my story. Any suggestions or constructive criticism is welcomed. Thanks again and I hope to see you back for chapter two!


	2. Chapter 2

**Jar of Hearts – Chapter 2**

The next day at glee rehearsal, Brittany was the very first one to share her emotion-filled song. An unusual occurrence to say the least. I really had no clue what to expect, although, really I should have seen it coming.

As she skipped up to the front of the room, she turned to blow Artie a kiss and wink at him before handing Mr. Piano man and his accompanying band her sheet music. As the music started I groaned inwardly while many of my teammates perked up at the intro to the peppy techno-pop song.

"Maybe I need some rehab  
Or maybe just need some sleep  
I got a sick obsession  
I'm seeing it in my dreams  
I'm lookin down every alley  
I'm making those desperate calls  
I'm staying up all night hoping hitting my head against the wall

What you got boy, is hard to find  
I think about it all the time  
I'm all strung out my heart is fried  
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug  
Your love your love your love  
(I said)  
Your love your love your love is my drug  
Your love your love your love

Won't listen to any advice  
Momma's telling me I should think twice  
But look into my own devices, I'm addicted it's a crisis  
My friends think I've gone crazy  
My judgments gettin' kinda hazy  
My steeze is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head

What you got boy, is hard to find  
I think about it all the time  
I'm all strung out my heart is fried  
I just cant get you off my mind!

Because your love your love your love is my drug  
Your love your love your love  
(I said)  
Your love your love your love is my drug  
Your love your love your love

I don't care what people say  
The rush is worth the price I pay  
I get so high when you're with me  
But crash and crave you when you leave

Hey, so I got a question  
Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement?  
Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum  
Is my love your drug?  
Your drug?  
Huh, your drug?  
Huh, your drug?  
Is my love your drug?

Because your love your love your love is my drug  
Your love your love your love  
(I said)  
Your love your love your love is my drug  
Your love your love your love

Because your love your love your love is my drug  
Your love your love your love  
(I said)  
Your love your love your love is my drug  
Your love your love your love

Hey, hey, so  
You love, your love your love, is my drug"

By the end of the song practically everyone was dancing around the room and Brittany was in Artie's lap. I wanted in on the fun too, but I just smiled and watched them all. I couldn't decide on what song I would choose for the assignment yet, but it was obviously going to be one of great sorrow and heartbreak. There was no way I could come out and sing a song about how great life is or how in love I was.

"That was great Brittany!" Mr. Shuster shouted. "That is what I like to see! So much enthusiasm and passion! She gets what I'm saying. Not all strong emotions are negative ones. The positive emotions create a real high for a lot of people."

"Especially, when it stems from a terrible tragedy…" I let that slip out. Suddenly all eyes were on me for the first time since Finn officially dumped me. Still, I had spoken and at least for now I had their attention, so I had to defend myself somehow! No one else would…

"Think about it, whenever you watch a really great movie, the beginning is usually happy and bright, but then the hero faces a problem or some tragedy in the middle and by the end when he or she overcomes that problem, the joy and rapture he feels is to a much higher degree." I saw eyes rolling and I could hear Quinn sigh behind me.

"That is true, Rachel. But the point here is the strength of the emotion as you sing it. Not how it compares to anything else. I want you to express the emotions you feel the strongest and put that feeling into your performance. I think Brittany got us off to a great start, and I think that once we do a few of these everyone will begin to see how much the added emotion in our music will help our performance."

That was Mr. Shuster's polite way of telling me to shut up, but still appearing to be acknowledging my opinion. Something that is very important to Mr. Shu. A quality which makes him a truly great teacher. Still, I got the hint. No one wanted to hear what I had to say.

After rehearsal I decided it would be nice to visit Kurt. Maybe he would be willing to help me out with a solo idea for Glee. It was amazing how well we got along now that we were no longer competing against each other for solos.

On the way to my car, I passed Mercedes and some football player in the hallway. He was leaning in to her with one hand on the wall behind her head. I couldn't see her face until I got a little closer. Was he threatening her? Even if she wasn't speaking to me, she was still my teammate and – wait. Was she smiling? Are they FLIRTING? ARG! No one is single but me! I so hate my life.

I continued to storm out the double doors to the parking lot, letting my emotions run wild. Oh if only there were a song that contained them all! Mr. Shu would have a field day!

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I got caught by Santana in the parking lot.

"Well, well, well. Little Miss Berry seems upset. Did you lose something? Oh yeah, your BOYFRIEND!" She jerked her head to the side and laughed, "Oh, but don't worry, I'm gonna take good care of him for you. Once a man gets a taste of Santana, he always comes back for more. And you can bet that I'm gonna give it to him. . .all night long." The cheerleader laughed wickedly and headed for the gym. "Don't cry too hard, midget, at least you know he dumped you for the hottest girl in this school!" With that she turned and strutted the rest of the way to the gym. I really hate that girl.

* * *

Hello! Thank you for reading chapter two! I hope you like it so far. Once again any suggestions or constructive criticism is appreciated. Thank you and I hope to see you back for chapter three!


	3. Chapter 3

**Jar of Hearts - Chapter 3**

The past few weeks had been really hard. They only got harder when school started up again. Ever since I found out about Rachel cheating on me, I have been a mess. Why does every girl I date cheat on me? And with Puck every time! What does he have that I don't have? Well, there's the Mohawk, but do chicks really dig that so much? I kinda think it looks goofy. Maybe I should get a Mohawk.

No. I don't think it's the hair. Besides, I would look _totally stupid_ with a Mohawk like that.

Anyway, what really makes this worse is since I know Rachel like I do, I really do understand why she did it. She has that impulsive streak, and plus the fact that she's a total drama queen I think a lot of times her emotions just take charge. When she found out about me and Santana, she was really hurt. I get that. Sure we weren't together when it happened, but I did lie about it. And I never actually told her myself…That was pretty bad. So in her mind she had some right to revenge or something, which I also get.

But, somehow it just was too much, right? Sure they didn't actually have sex, but making out is still cheating! And I didn't cheat! I just lied to her. . .Dammit! We were both wrong, but why do I feel like the bad guy still? What she did was worse, right? Ugh, all this thinking makes my head hurt. Why is everything so complicated? I still love Rachel! But I'm so mad at her and hurt I can hardly look at her. Neither can anyone else as far as I can tell.

That's something else. I've noticed that no one talks to her anymore. Like, at all. Sure she was never very well liked, but she was part of the team! Now it's like she's not even there. Even Mr. Shu kinda blew her off today during rehearsal. I kinda feel like that's my fault…but it's not! Right? She was wrong and she needs to learn to think about other people once in a while! Man, I wish –

"Hey there handsome." Santana practically purred at me. Basketball practice had been over for a while, but I was taking my time going home. I needed time to think, and I felt comfortable in the school's locker room. The Cheerios must have just finished their practice. This was gonna be bad.

"You look like you need to relieve some stress." She walked around in front of me and put her arms around my neck before straddling my hips on the bench I had been sitting on. "I can help with that," she whispered in my ear.

"No." I pushed her off of me and tried to stand up. "You are a big part of the reason I'm so stressed out in the first place. Why would I want anything to do with you now?" I started to head for the showers, but then something about that didn't seem like the best idea I'd ever had.

"Oh, don't be such a baby. You know you want me. Now that you and the midget are a thing of the past, there is no reason to hold back anymore." She was really scary when she talked like that. And she keeps looking at me like I'm some kind of raw steak and she's a really hungry lion or something. Whoa, maybe that was a bad comparison, cuz now the image of her trying to eat me is kinda turning me on. NO!

"Stop it, Santana! I've told you, I don't want anything to do with you! What we did meant nothing to me, and I've felt lousy about it ever since it happened. I definitely don't wanna do it again. So just leave me alone." I stormed around the corner into the showers, hoping that she would get the hint and not just follow me in there. I was running out of places to go. If she came after me I'd be cornered.

"Have it your way, Hudson, I'll leave you alone for now. But you better believe I'm not giving up that easy. You'll give in to the temptation eventually." I listened as her footsteps moved away from me and only realized I'd been holding my breath when I heard the locker room door shut behind her and I let out a big sigh of relief. Sometimes being popular really sucks.

*-Rachel-*

At Dalton Academy, Kurt was finishing up his own glee rehearsal with the Warblers. When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw him coming out of the school with the Warblers' lead singer, Blaine, I think his name was. Kurt had told me a little bit about this guy, and I must admit, I was a little jealous. The guy was totally cute, and after hearing him sing at regionals I knew he had an amazing voice too. Too bad he was gay. Oh well, I guess Kurt and I have the same taste in men, and I got Finn so…oh, right.

I considered getting out of my car, but as I watched the two boys talking and getting along so well, I kinda hated to break it up. Unfortunately, Blaine caught me watching them and even though I tried to pretend I wasn't really spying on them, it was too late. They split and Kurt came walking over to my car.

"What's up, Rachel, you little snoop?" Kurt asked, smiling and plopping into my passenger seat. "Come to try and catch a glimpse of our number for regionals?" He asked smirking at me with a sideways glance.

"Who? Me?" I asked feigning innocence before we both broke into giggles. "Actually, I came to see how your love life is going. And I must say I'm jealous." I said, winking at him.

"I know, right? He's totally dreamy." He paused. "But seriously, how are things back in prison? I'm guessing not to good from the look of you." He frowned a little as he looked me up and down in my seat.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked indignantly.

"Honey, you are wearing so much plaid you look like a lumberjack's wardrobe threw up on you." He looked at me skeptically before going on to say, "It's Finn, isn't it?"

I only nodded my response. What else could it be? When he dumped me it was as if the sun burned out.

Fortunately before I could get too much further into that thought process, Kurt said, "Well, how about if I try to find out a little more about how Finn really feels? Talk to him a little. We are brothers now you know." He gave me a reassuring smile and patted my hand in my lap. That made me feel a little better and I smiled weakly back at him a nodded. "Great. For now, though, I think some shopping just might be what you need right now."

Once again I nodded and smiled. What did I ever do without Kurt?

After a little shopping, Kurt and I decided to go ahead and have dinner while we were out. We were having so much fun!

"Hey, this restaurant has Karaoke tonight!" Kurt piped up excitedly "Let's eat here! Besides it will be way better than the food court" Kurt practically dragged me inside the restaurant to a table not far from the open door and sat across from me practically beaming at me.

"What are you smiling like that for?" I asked him, already knowing the answer.

"Oh, come on Rachel, You know you are dying for an excuse to get up in front of an audience and sing! We are performers! That is what we do! It's who we are." He got up from the table and said, "Now, I'm going to go sign you up for a song, and then you will do the same for me. " He winked at me and practically skipped up to the sign up list. I was a little uncertain of what song he would choose for me. We had been talking all afternoon about how singing about our feelings always makes me feel better. Surely he wouldn't force me to do that in front of a room full of strangers…Would he?

I began to get a little nervous thinking about how I didn't want to get stuck on stage crying, when he ran back to the table, "O.k. Rachel you are up next!" he squealed. As he started pulling my arm to get me out of the booth and gave me a shove in the direction of the stage.

"That was fast," I said over my shoulder.

"I told the guy if you didn't go before the other people who had already signed up you would be the last one to go tonight because no one would be able to follow you!" He said laughing "I didn't mention that I will be going after you anyway but you know, same thing would happen anyway"

Laughing, I continued the short distance to the stage and eagerly took my place behind the microphone. When I saw the title screen come up on the prompter, I began laughing again. Oh, Kurt, you really DO know how to make me feel better!

The music began to play and I yanked the mike from its stand as I began my emotionally charged performance. This was going to be great!

*-Finn-*

After that little incident with Santana in the locker room, I didn't really feel like going home. I still needed time to think, and I knew Kurt would be there wanting to talk about what he was missing at McKinley and what I was missing at Dalton. Sometimes it seemed like he wanted me to transfer with him. His birthday was coming up sometime in the near future, right? Maybe I should go buy him a present. A diary might be a good idea.

So anyway, that's how I ended up at the mall. Just as I was leaving, though I heard a very familiar voice coming from just inside the doors of the restaurant that was hosting its karaoke night.

"O.K., Rachel, you are up next!" Kurt practically squealed. Not believing what I was hearing I began to walk to the restaurant.

"That was fast." Rachel's voice hit me like a ton of bricks. She sounded so happy. Giddy almost. I thought she was as miserable and broken up about all this as I was! Is she just playing me for a fool? Pretending to be all depressed and sorry at school, but really she just wants to date the star quarterback again?

Wait, wait. Rachel always sings her emotions. Let's just see what song she picked before I go getting all bent out of shape…

"I told the guy if you didn't go before the other people who had already signed up you would be the last one to go tonight because no one would be able to follow you!" Kurt said laughing. "I didn't mention that I will be going after you anyway but you know, same thing would happen anyway" I finally made it to the door just in time to see Kurt give Rachel a little shove in the direction of the make shift stage and I watched as she began laughing when she looked down at the little prompt screen. The music started and Rachel went into full performance mode, yanking the mike off of the stand and parading around the area as far as the chord would let her. This was not what I was expecting.

"There's only two types of people in the world  
The ones that entertain and the ones that observe  
Well baby, I'm a put-on-a-show kind of girl  
Don't like the backseat, gotta be first

I'm a like the ringleader, I call the shots  
(Call the shots)  
I'm like a firecracker I make it hot  
When I put on a show

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins  
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break  
I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage  
Better be ready, hope that you feel the same

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus  
When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus  
Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do  
Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor just like a circus

There's only two types of guys out there  
Ones that can hang with me and ones that are scared  
So baby, I hope that you came prepared  
I run a tight ship so beware

I'm a like the ringleader, I call the shots  
(Call the shots)  
I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot  
When I put on a show

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins  
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break  
I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage  
Better be ready, hope that you feel the same

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus  
When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus  
Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do  
Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor just like a circus"

At this point I was furious. Of all the songs in the world she could have chosen, and she picks this? It's as if she really was proclaiming to the world that I am just some clown she can control and it makes no difference one way or another how I, or anyone else for that matter, feels about it. Not only was she _not_ heartbroken and sorry, she was actually _bragging_ about having played me! The girl had no soul. Yet somehow I couldn't move from where I stood in the doorway of the restaurant, watching her. I'm not sure if it was out of anger or fascination.

"Let's go  
Let me see what you can do  
I'm runnin' this like-like-like a circus  
Yeah, like a what? Like-like-like a circus

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus  
When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus  
Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do  
Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor just like a circus

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus  
When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip just like a circus  
Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do  
Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor just like a circus"

When the song ended and Rachel finally stopped thrashing around on the stage flaunting her talents in front of what may as well have been the whole world for as humiliating as that performance was for me, she looked around at her audience and made eye contact with me. Had she known I was there that whole time? I just glared at her for what seemed like an eternity before storming out of the mall to my car. I would show her what I thought of her little performance, tomorrow in Glee Club.

*-Rachel-*

As the song ended I could feel my confidence level rise considerably. The crowd was going wild! I really do need applause to live!

Then I saw him. Standing in the back of the restaurant, was Finn. He looked furious. I couldn't move. I just stood there, locked in a staring match with the one I loved so much, until he stormed out of the doorway and Kurt came up on stage to get me.

"Rachel that was amazing!" he cheered. "We should have done this first! Now, what song are you going o choose for me?" He practically radiated excitement, and though I hated to put a damper on his fun, I had to tell him.

"Finn was here." I said dully as I stepped out of the spotlight. Kurt spun around and just looked at me, eyes wide and jaw dropped a little in surprise. "He was there, in the doorway watching. He looked really mad." Suddenly the panic hit me. "Oh, Kurt what am I going to do? He –"

Kurt stopped me before I could say any more. "Rachel, everything is going to be fine. I'll go home tonight and find out what's going on. I'll get back to you ASAP."

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Hello! Thank you for reading chapter 3 of Jar of Hearts! This chapter was a little longer than the last few, and I hope you liked it! I also hope that the switching of the point of view throughout the chapter was not too confusing. I tried to make it clear as to who's mind we were in, but I'm still pretty new at this, so if you have any suggestions, please leave them along with a review so that I can continue to improve my story! Thanks, and I hope to see you back for chapter four!


	4. Chapter 4

**Jar of Hearts – Chapter 4**

When I got home, I went straight to my room and got on my computer. I had to start practicing if I was going to be ready for tomorrow. Just as I was about to hit play I heard to front door shut and footsteps coming up the stairs. Kurt must be home. That didn't take long. Rachel must have sent him to spy on me. Better make sure to use my headphones.

Sure enough there was a knock on my bedroom door and Kurt popped his head into my room. "Hey, Finn." He said simply. "How's it going?"

I couldn't say anything. I just looked at him and turned back to my computer.

"That well huh?" He asked, opening the door a little wider. "Can I come in?"

"Whatever." I answered. I knew what he was doing. He was going to try to get information out of me. What a traitor.

"So I'm guessing you saw me with Rachel at the mall, and now you are suspicious of me, right?" He asked as he sat on the chest at the end of my bed, crossing his legs and holding on to his knee. "Look, Rachel is my friend, but you are my brother. I'm not going to betray either of you." He said, sighing. "Rachel came to see me after school. From what I understand no one at McKinley is even speaking to her since you broke up. She deserves to be happy too, you know."

Okay, now he was getting irritating. "Are you defending her?" I really wasn't in the mood for this.

"Defending her right to be treated like a human? Yes. Defending her decision to cheat on you with Puck, No. She was definitely wrong. But you did lie to her, and that was wrong too." He gave me a pointed look as if he had read my mind and was daring me to deny my own thoughts. I was sure going to try.

"Yeah, but I seriously regret what I did. I wish more than anything that I could take it back. Not just the lying part but the whole thing." I was getting frustrated and worked up. I felt like I might explode. "I love her, Kurt! I'm so torn up about all of this, because I really thought she was the one! I want us to be together, but I just don't think she really feels the way I do! How can I trust her? She only thinks about herself, and I'm okay with that, but I'm not okay with her intentionally hurting people. Not me or anyone else. And worst of all she doesn't even really seem sorry about it! Why can't I just stop loving her?" At this point I just felt tired. I wanted to cry, or scream, or just sleep. But I had an assignment to finish, and I had a feeling that once it was finished I would feel a little better. . .Maybe.

"Finn. . ." Kurt seemed at a loss for words. I didn't mean to dump all of that on him, but once I got started, I couldn't stop.

"Don't say a word to Rachel. Forget I said anything." With that I turned around and put on my headphones. "I have to finish my assignment for glee. Goodnight, Kurt." I don't know how long Kurt sat there staring at me before he finally got up and went to his own room, and I don't know when the tears started falling. All I knew was that I still loved Rachel. And that she was just using me.

*-Rachel-*

I never heard anything from Kurt that night. I tried texting him, but he never responded, and he didn't answer my calls. I fell asleep with my phone in my hands waiting for the ringer to go off.

The next day in glee, I was surprised when both Finn and Santana had songs prepared for the assignment. Was it just a coincidence that they would both be ready on the same day? Or did they plan it this way? Maybe they were going to sing a duet! My stomach felt like it had just dropped on the floor and my heart was sinking fast. Surely he wouldn't start going out with Santana now that we were officially broken up, would he? I don't know what I'd do if that happened.

Fortunately, they weren't doing a duet. So, maybe it was just a coincidence that they were going on the same day.

Santana pranced down from the back row to the front of the room and spun around to face us. "Today, I'm going to sing about an emotion I am VERY familiar with. Hit it!" The music started and I instantly recognized the song. LeAnn Rimes had really hit it big with this song, and I usually got really excited when I heard it, but in this context, I wanted to barf. Or Scream. Or both. Eew.

"Under a lovers' sky  
Gonna be with you  
And noone's gonna be around  
If you think that you won't fall  
Well just wait until  
Til the sun goes down

Underneath the starlight - starlight  
There's a magical feeling - so right  
It'll steal your heart tonight"

At this point my suspicions that she was singing this song for Finn were confirmed as she turned to face him directly, and she proceeded to dance around him seductively. I wanted to strangle her.

"You can try to resist  
Try to hide from my kiss  
But you know  
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
Deep in the dark  
You'll surrender your heart  
But you know  
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
No, you can't fight it  
It's gonna get to your heart"

Are you KIDDING ME? This was too much! How could he just sit there like that! I thought he didn't even like her! He said what they did meant nothing to him! Push her off of you, dammit! Get up and walk out! Do something!

"There's no escape from love  
Once a gentle breeze  
Weaves it's spell upon your heart  
No matter what you think  
It won't be too long  
Til your in my arms  
Underneath the starlight - starlight  
We'll be lost in the rhythm - so right  
Feel it steal your heart tonight"

Steal is right! He should be mine!

"You can try to resist  
Try to hide from my kiss  
But you know  
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
Deep in the dark  
You'll surrender your heart  
But you know  
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
No you can't fight it  
No matter what you do  
The night is gonna get to you

Don't try when  
You're never gonna win"

She really is seducing him and torturing me in front of everyone! This was so wrong, and yet everyone except for Finn and I seemed to be really enjoying her performance. At least he was beginning to look a little uncomfortable now…

"Underneath the starlight - starlight  
There's a magical feeling - so right  
It will steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist  
Try to hide from my kiss  
But you know  
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
Deep in the dark  
You'll surrender your heart  
But you know  
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
No, you can't fight it

You can try to resist  
Try to hide from my kiss  
But you know  
Don't you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
Deep in the dark  
You'll surrender your heart  
But you know  
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight  
No, you can't fight it  
It's gonna get to your heart"

As the last notes hung in the air everyone stood and cheered and applauded. Puck whistled and puckered up for one of those air kisses that are supposed to be sexy, but it really just made me sick. _He_ was perfect for her. Not Finn. Finn was such a kind, gentle person. Rude and slutty just didn't fit with him.

Just then Mr. Shuster stood up to the front of the room looking a little unsure of how to proceed. I'm guessing it was because the song was good, but her obvious attentions toward Finn made the lusty emotion behind it almost inappropriate. I really wished he would say something about it.

"Wow, a great version of a truly great song. Let's hear it one more time for her!" The team applauded and Mr. Shu continued. "Alright, Finn, you're up! Let's hear what you've been feeling."

Finn stood and walked to the front of the room. He looked unsure of himself, but then he looked at me and seemed to regain his composure. My heart sped up considerably. Did he just look to me for support? Does he still care about me afterall? Maybe he was going to dedicate the song to me! I wondered what song he chose and for a moment I began to smile, but then he looked away and nodded at the piano man. Without saying a word the music started and he began to sing.

*-Finn-*

As I walked to the front of the choir room I thought to myself, "Do I really want to do this?" Santana's song had made me really uncomfortable and I wished that she hadn't gone today too. Rachel would already be upset from what she just saw and . . . Then I looked at her and I remembered her own little performance in the restaurant the night before. She hadn't seemed all that upset then. She's only pretending to be upset at school because she knows people will see. She knows I will see. Yes. I was going to do this. I turned and nodded to Brad at the piano and began to sing my song.

"Easy come, easy go  
That's just how you live, oh  
Take, take, take it all,  
But you never give  
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss, Had your eyes wide open -  
Why were they open?  
Gave you all I had  
And you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, you did  
To give me all your love is all I ever asked, Cause what you don't understand is  
I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh  
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,  
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same"

At this point in the song I couldn't stop myself from looking over at Rachel. She looked like she was going to cry. For an instant I wanted to just stop the song and go hold her and apologize, but then I remembered that she was a completely different person outside of school and I just kept singing.

"No, no, no, no  
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said "hey" when you get back to where you're from  
Mad woman, bad woman,  
That's just what you are, yeah,  
You'll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car  
Gave you all I had  
And you tossed it in the trash  
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did  
To give me all your love is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand is  
I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh  
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,  
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh You' d watch me burn down in flames You said you loved me you're a liar Cause you never, ever, ever did baby..."

I was really starting to feel my heart rip from my chest as I sang each word. The truth in the lyrics were hitting me harder now that I was baring my soul in front of my peers. Even though she had knowingly done something with the intention of hurting me, I still loved Rachel with every fiber of my being. If she were in danger I would do whatever it took to save her. But in reality she would never return that love. I knew that. And it made no difference to me.

"But darling I'll still catch a grenade for ya  
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)  
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh  
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,  
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same.  
No, you won't do the same,  
You wouldn't do the same,  
Ooh, you'll never do the same,  
No, no, no, no"

The room was silent for what seemed like a really long time. I finally risked a look at the faces of the people around me and I understood why. Most of them had tears in their eyes. Tina was actually crying on Mike's shoulder and even Puck had his eyebrows furrowed into a scowl that I could tell was to keep him from tearing up and losing face. Quinn just stared at me like she had just had her own heart broken, and Santanta's mouth hung open in either disbelief or disgust. Maybe both. Mr. Shu came over and put a hand on my shoulder. "Finn, are you okay?" He looked really worried. I didn't even realize that my own eyes had teared up. I must have looked really pathetic. "That song…" He got a little choked up as he tried to find the words to say.

"I think I need some air." I said and I turned to leave the room. That was a lot harder than I expected.

* * *

Hello, and thank you for reading Chapter four of Jar of Hearts! I hope you aren't too upset with the events thus far…Please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions for me so that I can improve my story, and I hope to see you back for chapter five!


	5. Chapter 5

**Jar of Hearts – Chapter 5**

Rachel wasn't at school the next day. She had never missed before. I tried not to think about it. I couldn't let myself dwell on the possibility that she really was sorry, and that the song hand sent her over the edge. That would be too. . .just don't think about it.

It was really hard to focus - even as Mercedes blew everyone away with her version of Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing." No, especially when Mercedes blew everyone away with her version of Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing." The song just reminded me of Rachel. As she sang I kept picturing Rachel at Christmas, desperately trying to convince me that we were meant to be and to just forgive her. Maybe I should have, but I just felt like – FEEL like I need space. I need time. I need…to talk to someone.

Kurt was out of the question. He was biased toward Rachel. Puck was the next person to come to mind, for a few reasons. One, he was my best friend, and two, he was kind of part of this. So after school I went to find Puck in the locker room and found him lifting weights with Artie, Sam, and Mike. "Hey, man, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, trying to sound casual, but I could tell Puck knew what was up.

Puck put down his weights and took a few steps over to me. The other guys continued talking but I knew they were listening too. I was kinda uncertain how exactly to ease into to the topic of Rachel casually so I didn't look like a total pansy, but Puck beat me to the punch. "Look, dude, I know this is about Rachel, so don't pussyfoot around it, just come out with it. What do you want to know?"

His question caught me off guard, and I just kinda stared at him for a moment before I could get myself together and just get right to the point. "I uh, was just wondering if you had talked to her lately. You know she never misses school and I was just wor- uh wondering."

So much for not looking like a total pansy.

Puck rolled his eyes. " Look dude, yeah I talked to her. She's my Jew girl. But it's not what you're thinking. Ever since Kurt left I've been having to spend every other night with Lauren just to keep her in Glee and keep us qualified for regionals. Rachel couldn't handle sharing her man with anybody. You ought to know that better than anyone." He gave me a pointed look before continuing. "Anyway, to answer your question, it's because of your song yesterday that she's not here today. It really got to her, man. It was totally obvious that you were singin' about her. Everyone knew it."

I was afraid of that. "Thanks, man." I didn't know what else to say. So I turned to walk away, and then I thought of something. I turned back around. "Wait, you and Lauren Zizes?" How had that not struck me until now?

Puck kinda grinned, "Yeah, man. The girl is a total animal. It's kinda hot." He winked at me and I shuddered. " She likes it rough, ya know."

Pucks smile was just too much, "Whoa-kay! Didn't need to know that. I'll talk to ya later, man." I said as I practically ran out of the locker rooms, unable to shake the scarring mental image of Lauren that Puck had just created. I really hoped I wouldn't have nightmares later…

Back at home, Kurt was unwilling to talk to me about Rachel. "You asked me not to tell her about your little outburst the other day, and she has asked that I do the same for her. You will find out tomorrow at school what you want to know." He said simply and left it at that. He had spent most of the evening over at her house, and that was all he would tell me. I felt so guilty that I had humiliated her so badly that she missed school. Yeah, I was mad, but singing a song in front of all of our friends about how horrible she was when I loved her so much might not have been the best way to express my feelings to her. I had to tell her that the song wasn't about her. It would be a lie, but maybe she would believe me.

So, I waited until glee rehearsal the next day and sure enough, Rachel was there with sheet music in her hands. For the first time since our break-up I approached her (usually it was the other way around) and began the conversation. "Hey, Rachel, I noticed you weren't at school yesterday. Were you sick or something?"

She turned around and looked at me, a little shocked, but genuinely looking happy that we were talking. "No, actually, it was your song that kept me home. It really got me to thinking, you know and –"

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't hear her tell me about how awful _I _made _her_ feel. So I just blurted out what I thought would make things better. The lie I thought I needed to tell. "Rachel that song wasn't about you."

She looked like I just slapped her or something. "I-it wasn't?"

"No, Rachel, it was just a song. The assignment was to find a song that was filled with emotion. I heard that song on the radio and thought it really fit the assignment, ya know?" I paused and stole a glance at her face. I was expecting her to let out a sigh of relief or something, but she still looked hurt. The silence grew and I started to feel really awkward. Maybe I should say something. "So, you don't have to- "

I didn't get to finish my sentence. She just turned around without a word and stormed out of the choir room, throwing her sheet music in the trash as she left. What was her problem? I just told her that I _wasn't_ using music to call her a heartless woman in front of everyone in the school that mattered! She should have felt better now! What did she want to hear? I walked over to the trash where her sheet music was and picked it up. What had she planned to sing in response to "Grenade?"

"_The Special Two_ by Missy Higgins" it read across the top. I had never heard of it before, but the title gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach. Maybe she hadn't gotten the same message from my song that I thought she had. Unable to stop myself, I began to read the lyrics...

"I've hardly been outside my room in days,  
'cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.  
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,  
And it was then I realized the conscience never fades.  
When you're young you have this image of your life:  
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.  
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,  
And if you happen to you wake completely lost.  
But I will fight for you, be sure that  
I will fight until we're the special two once again.

And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,  
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,  
When we're the special two.  
And we could only see each other, we'll breathe together,  
These arms will not be taught to need another's,  
'Cause we were the special two.

I remember someone old once said to me  
That lies will lock you up with truth the only key.  
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,  
And couldn't see this place would soon become my hell.  
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?  
Well I guess the answer is don't do it in the first place.  
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,  
But if by chance you change your mind you know I will not let you down  
'cause we were the special two, and we'll be again.

And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,  
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,  
When we're the special two.  
And we can only see each other we'll breathe together,  
These arms will not be taught to need another...  
'cause we're the special two.

I step outside my mind's eyes for a minute.  
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease,  
Or something that could ease the pain.  
But nothing cures the hurt you, you bring on by yourself,  
Just remembering, just remembering how we were...

When we would only need each other, we'd bleed together,  
These hands would not be taught to hold another's,  
We were the special two.  
And we could only see each other, we'd bleed together,  
These arms would not be taught to need another,  
'Cause we're the special two."

My heart sank. Not only was she truly sorry about everything. She still wanted to fight for us. Not because of her image or anything like that. Because she truly believed we were a part of something special. The two of us. And she was right. I have never been happier than when I was with her. I just wish I had let myself admit that fact sooner. I had to find Rachel and tell her I forgive her. Tell her I still love her. Tell her I'm sorry. I only hope that it's enough.

* * *

Hello, and thank you for reading Chapter 5 of Jar of hearts! I hope everyone had a great holiday! Thank you so much for all of the kind reviews, they were a wonderful Christmas present. If you have any comments or suggestions please continue to leave both positive and constructive feedback for me so that I may improve my writing and my story. Thank you again, and I hope to see you back for chapter 6!


	6. Chapter 6

**Jar of Hearts – Chapter 6**

When I heard Finn's version of "Grenade" I could feel everything he felt. The pain, the suffering, the anger… But mostly, I could feel the strength of his love and how it fueled all of those other emotions. If his love was not so strong, none of those other emotions would be either. It was the love behind it that made me want to cry. But it was also that love that gave me hope. Finn looked at me right before he sang that song and he kept looking at me as he sang it. I thought it was very obvious _why_ he chose that song, and who it was about. Which meant that he still loved me. Not only that but that his love was still strong. I didn't care how much anger was also in those lyrics that he sang; there was still hope. And I had to show him that I understood.

I had spent all of the next day trying to find just the right song to perform as a response to "Grenade," and then I even asked Kurt to come over after school and help me get it just right. I was so excited to present my "Glee assignment." I was so anxious to let Finn know that I understood how he felt. To show him that I was truly sorry, and that I would continue to believe in us until he was ready to forgive me.

Needless to say when he then told me that his song was not about me, I was crushed. Humiliated. Heartbroken all over again. I was so certain. So hopeful. But I was wrong.

When would I get over him and just learn my lesson? Finn has hurt me lots of times! And the one time I hurt him, it is unforgivable! How fair is that?

I have changed my look to prove a point before. Now it is time to prove to myself that I am worth while. I am desirable. I am a STAR! I'll show Finn. I'll show the glee club and this school! But most importantly, I will remind myself that I DESERVE to be loved, wanted, and appreciated.

It wasn't until I reached I got all the way home that I realized I had been so upset and lost in thought that I just came straight to my car without going to my locker and getting my books. I had a history assignment due tomorrow and I would need my book to finish it. So, letting out a frustrated sigh, I got back in the car and drove to school. I just hoped I wouldn't run into anyone from Glee.

*-Finn-*

I tried to chase after Rachel, but in the time it took me to read her song, she had gotten away. I tried calling her cell, but she didn't answer. I tried her house phone, and Kurt's phone, but no one knew where she was. Or at least they wouldn't tell me. I considered skipping glee altogether to drive to her house and either talk to her or wait until she came home so he could talk to her then. But I knew Mr. Shue would be mad if I skipped, so I went back and sat through Lauren's performance of "Food, Glorious Food." I guess it's from some show about starving kids or something, so I guess there would be a lot of emotion in that…right? I don't really get it, and I don't really care. Right at that moment all I could focus on was Rachel. Why do I keep screwing things up?

On my way out of Glee practice, Santana stopped me at the main doors, trapping me inside the school unless I physically moved her, which given the situation seemed like a dangerous idea.

" 'Sup, sexy?" She asked. Her tone made me shudder a little, but I had to ignore it and get out. I had to get to Rachel. "I saw you sent the midget running back to her daddies before glee earlier. I take it you finally got sick of her coming on to you, huh? Tired of her chasing you around all the time." She took a slow step toward me, swishing her hips as she walked.

I was getting pissed off fast. I did not have time for this right now. "That's not what happened, Santana, now get out of my way."

"Oh, sounds like someone is still angry. Let me take your mind off your troubles." She cooed.

That was all the warning I had, and it should have been enough, but before I could process what was happening Santana had her arms around my neck and her tongue down my throat. The shock only kept me immobile for a few seconds but it seemed like an eternity before my body reacted and I pushed her off of me. Just as Rachel walked through the front doors and back into the building.

Our eyes locked for an instant before she turned right back around and exited the building. That's when I totally lost my cool. I looked down at Santana and saw the satisfied smirk on her face and I swear if my mom hadn't taught me to never hit a girl, she would have been sporting a black eye tomorrow.

"What the HELL, Santana?" I screamed at her. "What kind of sick pleasure do you get out of this? Why won't you just leave me alone? I'm not attracted to you, I don't even like you, and yet you _still_ come on to me! Enough already!" While she stood there staring at me, I took the opportunity to get out the front door and turned back around to add, "Rachel has never done anything to you. What do you have against her?"

She crossed her arms and shifted all of her weight onto her left leg and sneered, "She's just so damn annoying. She should be getting shlushies in the face and instead she has gotten both you AND Puckerman as boyfriends. She doesn't deserve either of you."

"That's not for you to decide." I spat back at her, "Rachel, may be annoying, and selfish, and bossy sometimes, but she is not a mean person. She doesn't go around _trying _to make other people miserable just because she's bored or whatever. Quinn was never nice to Rachel, but when she needed a friend Rachel was right there to show her support. She _cares_ about other people. She is more _"deserving" _of me and Puck, or any other guy out there than you ever will be. And we would be so lucky to have a girl like her. So back off and stay away from her. And stay away from me."

I couldn't take any more and I ran out the doors after Rachel. Just to see her car pull out of the parking lot at an alarming speed. I guess I would just spend the whole day chasing after her if I had to. I would spend my whole life chasing after her if I had to. I somehow managed a smirk at that. Whatever it took, I was going to spend the rest of my life with Rachel Barbara Berry.

*-Rachel-*

_Forget the history assignment! It's so not worth having to see that!_ The tears came quickly as the scene I just walked in on played over and over in my head. As soon as I walked in the door, Finn tried to hide what was happening, but it was too late. I saw them. My vision was so blurry I was basically driving home by memory. _Why did it have to be Santana Lopez of all people?_

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice the red light in front of me. I just kept driving, blind to the massive red pick-up truck coming at me from the right hand side. Until the sound of metal and glass being crushed and shattered combined with the feeling of being spun around and around shook me violently from my thoughts and brought be literally crashing back into the real world. It was then that the car hit a telephone pole on the corner and my world went completely black.

*-Finn-*

I was getting into my car when I heard the sound of cars crashing not too far away. My heart was suddenly in my throat, beating so I hard I thought it would burst. Oh, God, what if that was Rachel? She was driving pretty fast. . .

I jumped into my car and peeled out of the parking lot, heading in the direction of the crashing sound I had heard. It wasn't far from the school, just around the corner about a block away. At first all I could see was a red pick-up truck with its front end all smashed in and for a split second I felt relief that it wasn't Rachel's car with the front end all smashed in like that. My relief only lasted a second though, because when I got closer I could see the familiar gold Prius with the passenger side caved in and the front end crushed by a telephone pole. I scanned the area for any sign of Rachel, but I didn't see her anywhere. Was she still in the car? I pulled my car over and got out, just as the police cars pulled up. The guy in the red truck looked angry as he got out rubbing his neck and walked over to the police car. I began running toward Rachel's car, and I could make out the outline of a person hunched over the steering wheel.

"Rachel!" I yelled as I approached the car. Maybe if she heard me, she would look over at me and get out of the car. Or at least lift her head a little. Show some sign of life…

"Rachel!" When I got up to the car, I peered in the driver side window, and all I could see was her tiny form slumped over, her head on the steering wheel and her hair completely covering her face. I banged on the door frame and screamed, "Rachel! Rachel! Hey, wake up! Rachel!"

She didn't move. I was getting really, really scared. "Hey! Hey, somebody help!" I was calling out to the police officer who was now jogging over. "Help her! She's not moving, and she won't answer when I call her name." The panic was evident in my voice, but the police officer just tapped the window and calmly asked if she was okay. When he didn't get a response from her either he called for an ambulance on his shoulder radio and asked me to step back before he busted the bottom of the window and reached in to unlock the door.

Once the door was open, he tried again to talk to her, but got no answer. I thought I might throw up when I saw him check her pulse. There was no need to check her pulse! Rachel Berry couldn't die. She had more life in her than any person I had ever known. She was going to be on Broadway someday…

My thoughts were cut short by the sound of ambulance sirens coming toward us, and I just stared in a dumbfounded state of shock as the paramedics carefully removed her from the car and began to load her onto a stretcher.

* * *

Hello once again and thank you for reaching chapter 6 of Jar of Hearts! I really appreciate all of the reviews I have gotten and look forawrd to hearing what you think about the story so far! This chapter didn't turn out as I had originally planned, but as I was writing it, the events just sort of happened without really any control from me. Please don't be angry or frustrated if you didn't like this chapter, just be patient. Everything will be ok. I promise. And this isn't like a Ryan Murphy promise that Finn/Rachel would stay together throughout season 2. : ( Anyway, I know it's lame, but the more reviews I get the faster I can update. Your words of encouragement, as well as you suggestions really help to motivate me! Thanks again for reading and I hope to see you back for chapter 7!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello! Sorry for the loooong hiatus! Over the past two years I have graduated with my bachelor's degree, gotten married, bought a house, and been searching for a teaching job. Recently I have been seeing some activity on this story and it has been hanging over me. I really hope it turns out to be worth the wait. Keep reading and please review! (Be kind! I have no beta :P)**

Jar of Hearts – Chapter 7

This day could just go to hell. Seriously, first Finn shoots me down before I can sing the song I have specially prepared and dedicated to him, then I forget my homework at school, then I go back to get it only to find Finn making out with Santana in the doorway, then to top it all off I get into a car accident! Life sucks…

I finally became somewhat aware of what was happening as the paramedics were pulling me from the car. Slowly I opened my eyes and looked around me. I could see Finn standing not too far away just sort of staring at me, looking like someone had punched him in the stomach, and his eyes didn't really seem to be focused on anything. What was he even doing here?

I suddenly realized that someone was saying my name, and I turned my head to look at the paramedic who had been loading me onto a stretcher. "Miss Berry, can you hear me?"

I nodded my head a little and tried to regain some focus.

"Can you remember what happened?" he asked.

"I was crying, and I ran a red light," I said. "Then I got hit by a truck and my car spun into the telephone pole." It was then that I noticed the throbbing in my head. "I guess I must have hit my head on the steering wheel." I raised my hand up to touch the spot where it hurt only to find it was warm and wet. I winced and sucked in a sharp breath at the stinging sensation I got when my finger touched the open wound. _I really hope this doesn't leave a scar. _ I thought to myself.

The paramedic didn't have time to get out his next question before Finn came rushing over, looking like he had just seen a ghost and whispering my name like he hadn't seen my in years and couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Rachel?" He asked tentatively, and when I looked over at him and made eye contact he smiled so big I thought his face might just split in half. "Rachel!" He called out and he took my face in both of his hands pulling me into a frantic kiss. I could sense every electric emotion in that kiss from fear and stress to passion and . . .love? For a moment I allowed myself to drown in that kiss and let him breathe life back into me. I could feel the air fill my lungs and the blood pulse through my veins. I could feel myself flying, my heart soaring. And then I pictured him passionately kissing Santana in the school earlier, and I tore myself away looking at him with confusion and hurt. Why was he here? Why was he kissing me?

His expression almost made me sorry to have pulled away. He looked so hurt and confused. Like a puppy who had just been abandoned by his beloved owner.

Before either of us could speak, the paramedic cleared his throat, breaking the trance Finn and I had been in. "Well, I'll catch up with you later, Rach. I have something I wanna say." He smiled that lopsided smile of his, looking so hopeful I was left feeling a little guilty and a lot confused.

After answering some more questions from the paramedics and getting my head wound treated, my dads took me home for my lecture on safe driving and my grounding; I would be riding the school bus for the rest of the year! Right about that time the doorbell rang and I let out a little sigh of relief. I understood why they were so mad, but it's still not fun to hear.

When I heard Finn's voice greeting my dad my eyes shot to the door to see him coming through the door, looking a little nervous and very concerned. I wonder what he wanted to talk to me about?

"Hey, Rach, how're ya feeling?" He asked when he saw me sitting on the couch and began to walk over. I thought I saw him cringe a little when he caught sight of my bandages… Probably just my imagination.

"Oh, you know, about like I've been hit by a truck," I sighed. Funny how sometimes clichés are literally the truth. "My dads grounded me from my car for the rest of the year, so I'll be riding the school bus from now on it seems. I am so not looking forward to the additional "quality time" with Jacob Ben Israel." I shuddered at the thought of having to fight off Jacob every day again.

"I could drive you to school." Finn said tentatively and – I thought – a little bit hopefully? I must be mistaken. I wanted to jump at the offer, but I reminded myself of him kissing Santana, and of him lying about his first time with her. How many more times had they been together?

"That might be awkward. You know know, since we are supposed to be giving each other space for a while." I wasn't sure I could handle being so close to him for 15 minutes twice a day for the next five months and sustain even more heartbreak.

"That's actually kinda what I wanted to talk to you about." Finn started. I must have done more damage to my brain in that car wreck than I thought, because I could have sworn he was really nervous. Was he getting ready to say he wanted us back together? I must be out of my mind…

"See, I knew for a while now that things were all wrong between us, I just didn't want to admit it." My heart skipped a beat a little when he looked at me then. "I knew when we broke up that there would never be another girl for me. That you were the only one I wanted. But I was hurt and thought that we would have time to sort all of this out. I thought we would have time to forgive and forget and move on together later." He paused again and looked deep into my eyes. This was what I had wanted to hear for weeks now, but a tiny part of me was screaming inside, reminding me of all the heartbreak this relationship had caused. All I could do was stare back into his eyes as he continued to talk. "Today, when I saw your car all smashed up and the paramedics were putting you on a stretcher, I realized that we don't have unlimited time. Something bad could happen at any time and I would never have gotten to tell you I'm sorry." He took both of my hands in his then and said, "I still love you, Rachel, and I don't want to waste any more time without you."

At this point my heart was jumping for joy and my insides were filled with little dancing butterflies. My smile slowly grew until I must have looked crazy because Finn's smile got bigger too. Then his cell phone rang.

The ringtone alone turned my blood to ice and reminded me why I should be cautious before jumping back into Finn's arms again. As Madonna belted out the chorus to "Like a Virgin" and Finn scrambled to shut it off, I knew it was Santana calling, and I knew I needed time to think. I needed Finn to leave.

"Well, it sounds like you have a call. We can talk about this later-" I began, but Finn finally got his phone to be quiet and he cut me off.

"Sorry! I'm sorry! I-" Finn stammered, but I didn't want to hear his excuses. I needed him to go. Now _I_ was the one who needed space.

I held up my hands in a defensive gesture, "I'm not being polite, Finn. I need to process all of this. Today has been really... never mind. The point is I have a lot to process and think about and you being here is not helping." I looked at him, pleading with my eyes for him to understand and just go. His face fell and I knew he got the message.

"Yeah...Yeah you're right." He said standing up and brushing his hands against his jeans. "I just hope you feel better, and I want you to know that I love you. Nothing has ever changed that...Nothing could ever change that."

I watched silently as he lowered his head with a sad smile and walked to the door. Halfway out he turned around and said, "See you in Glee tomorrow," and left. As the door closed with a gently "click," the tears began to roll down my cheek. I covered my mouth to try and stifle the small sobs escaping my mouth. I had some serious thinking to do. And tomorrow was going to be even harder than today.


	8. Chapter 8

The day had gone by in a whirlwind of concerned friends and teachers asking about my accident. I had been dreading glee rehearsal since I woke up that morning. And all too soon I found myself walking into the choir room and handing my sheet music to Mr. Shue. He told me Sam had already gotten there before me with his assignment so I would be going second. That was fine with me. The longer I could put this off the better.

Then Finn walked in the room with Santana, Quinn, and Brittany following close behind. It struck me that two of the three girls had been cause for turmoil in our relationship, and that was just as far as I knew. Hadn't Brittany bragged about having slept with most all of the guys at our school at one point? So there was a good possibility that Finn has had some sort of relationship with Brittany as well. Thinking about it just made my blood begin to boil and I felt justified and confident about my song choice. Once glee was over, Finn would have his answer and maybe I could get some emotional and mental peace.

*-Finn-*

The day had drug on so slowly for me as I waited to hear Rachel's answer in Glee. I was almost sure she would use the Glee assignment as an opportunity to tell me how she feels. As I walked in and saw her talking to Mr. Shue I felt my stomach tie in knots. This was it. I just knew she was going to sing today.

I sat in the front row so that I could be as close as possible to her. When she finished singing I didn't want to have to walk down the stairs to get to her and kiss her. It was going to be perfect.

When Mr. Shue announced that Sam would be singing his song first, I was a little disappointed. I had thought Rachel would be so eager to sing her song and get back together that she would insist on singing first thing. Was I wrong about how she felt?

Sam Stood up and walked to the center of the floor. When the music began to play, I recognized the song instantly. My mom really liked country music, and I had kind of a soft spot for it myself. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face as I noticed that Sam was looking right at Quinn as he began to sing:

"I had a hundred dollar ring in my hand,  
So weak and tired I could barely stand,  
From being up all night, praying she'd say yes.  
So with a hopeful heart I hit one knee  
With a tear in her eye she looked at me  
It was the moment of truth, I was scared to death.  
My life hung on what that tear meant,  
Then she smiled at me,  
And I lost it.

No one can make me cry,  
Make me laugh,  
Make me smile,  
Or drive me mad,  
Like she does.  
It's like a curse,  
That is the cure,  
Better or worse,  
One things for sure,  
It's real love,  
And I don't know what I'd do,  
If I lost it."

The smile was slowly sliding from my face as I listened to Sam's words. It really drove home how much I cared about Rachel. We'd been on-again, off-again for a while now and it wasn't until yesterday that I realized how precious our time together was. She was the most important thing in the world to me, and I didn't know what I would ever do if I lost that.

By now Sam had walked up to Quinn's chair in the second row and had been singing directly to her, only looking away when the next verse began:

"Well the honeymoon ended and life began,  
Jobs and bills, losing touch with friends,  
And the apartment got smaller every day.  
Then one night, the walls finally closed in,  
I came home late, she said, "Where have you been?  
You used to call and tell me, "You're on your way."  
She said, "If this is how this is gonna be, then I quit."  
She walked out the door,  
I lost it.

No one can make me cry,  
Make me laugh,  
Make me smile,  
Or drive me mad,  
Like she does.  
It's like a curse,  
That is the cure,  
Better or worse,  
One things for sure,  
It's real love,  
And I don't know what I'd do,  
If I lost it.

I picked myself up off the floor,  
She walked back through the door,  
We made love like it was the first time.

No one can make me cry,  
Make me laugh,  
Make me smile,  
Or drive me mad,  
Like she does.  
It's like a curse,  
That is the cure,  
Better or worse,  
One things for sure,  
It's real love,  
And I don't know what I'd do,  
If I lost it.  
Oh, if I lost it.  
I don't wanna lose it…"

On the last note Sam leaned in and kissed Quinn. It was short and simple but it added that little extra emotion to it. Which I suppose was the point of the assignment after all.

The room cheered and Sam took a bow as Rachel slowly moved to the front of the room and smoothed he plaid skirt. I held my breath as I waited for those first notes to play and seal my future with the girl I loved. With my hands between my knees and my heart in my throat I crossed my fingers for added luck. Here it comes. The moment of truth…

*-Rachel-*  
Sam's song was beautiful. I'm glad he went first. Watching him sing to Quinn like that made me realize how much I wanted someone to love me like that. And how badly I wanted that someone to be Finn. As the group applauded, I slowly stood up and walked to the front of the room. I looked to Mr. Shue and thankfully he got the hint to introduce my song. For once in my life I really wasn't looking forward to a performance.

I stole a quick glance at Finn and almost faltered at the look on his face. Looking to Brad and giving a slight nod, I took a deep breath and looked deliberately into Finn's Hopeful eyes. The music started and as the first words left my mouth, I saw Finn's face fall…

*-Finn-*

I caught Rachel glancing at me before signaling for Brad to start the song. Hope and fear were tangling in one big knot in my stomach until finally the first words left her mouth, and I felt that knot drop to the floor. Her eyes fixed right on mine as she sang the most heartbreaking words she could have ever said to me.

"I know I can't take one more step towards you  
Cause all that's waiting is regret  
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore  
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive  
And now you want me one more time...

And who do you think you are  
Running around leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart,  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
So don't come back for me.  
Who do you think you are?"

*-Rachel-*

As I watched the expressions on Finn's face, I saw some of my own feelings mirrored there: the shock, the hurt, the confusion. Good. It was time he understood that he couldn't just play around with people's feelings. He needed to see that just because he was popular he couldn't keep going from one extreme to the other with me. Cheerio or not, I was a person too, not a yo-yo. My irritation fueled my confidence and I managed to lift my head and put some volume into the next verse,

"I hear you're asking all around  
If I am anywhere to be found  
But I have grown too strong  
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive  
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are  
Running around leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts,  
And tearing love apart  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
Don't come back for me  
Who do you think you are?"

As I looked at Finn again I had to put my hand over my stomach. The ache was building and I knew if I didn't keep ahold of my conviction I would begin to cry to early and my voice would break. Half way through now, just gotta hold on a little longer…

*-Finn-*

My eyes couldn't focus on the girl in front of me anymore. My mouth hung open as I stared at nothing, but my ears just couldn't tune her out. Her voice was like a drug to me and no matter how much the words hurt, my ears hung on every note – every word.

"Dear, It took so long just to feel alright  
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes  
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed  
Cause you broke all your promises  
And now you're back  
You don't get to get me back"

And there it was. The most direct answer that she could give me. I had hurt her too many times and no longer had the right to ask for her heart. As that final blow shattered what was left of my world, I felt the tears stinging my eyes and squeezed them shut, trying desperately to keep the tears from falling. That was the last thing I needed to add to my humiliation and heartbreak. It was all I could do to sit through the rest of the song without crying like a little girl.

"And who do you think you are  
Running around leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of heart  
And tearing love apart  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
So don't come back for me  
Don't come back at all!

And who do you think you are  
Running around leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
And tearing love apart  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
Don't come back for me  
Don't come back at all  
Who do you think you are?  
Who do you think you are?  
Who do you think you are?"

I was barely aware of Rachel taking a quiet bow and leaving the room. No one made a sound.


End file.
